Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright... In The Suburbs
Owning exotic or unusual animals has been a human obsession for centuries. What has changed in recent years is the ability of moderately wealthy middle-class Westerners to own 'designer' pets - something that would only have been available to royalty in the past.
What do I mean by designer pets? Well, by now you've probably heard of the Allerca GD Cat; where GD is not the usual thing associated with cats ("That GD cat left a dead mouse on my pillow again!"), but Genetic Divergences. These cats have been bred to be hypoallergenic, so you can have a kitten without a Kleenex, or a Siamese without the sneeze.
Allerca's got nothing on Judy Sugden, however. Sugden is the inventor of something destined to become America's next must-have feline: The toyger.
The toyger is a housecat bred to look like its jungle-born cousin, from the distinctive striping right down to the way it prowls around, stalking a fierce, formidable ... rubber squeakie mouse.
Although some cat fanciers are already sniffing in disdain about the toyger's un-catlike behaviour (for starters, it's affectionate), experts predict that single toyger kitten will command a price of around $4000 US. This is because people will love being able to bring a little wilderness into the suburbs, in spite of having moved there precisely to escape the wilder aspects of the inner cities.
Now I bet some of you are already eyeing your tabby cat with dollar signs in your eyes. My advice? Forget it. Cat breeding is not for the faint of heart. For one thing, if you thought giving your cat a pill was hard, consider the difficulties associated with artificial insemination.
Even natural cat breeding is difficult. Owners have to help their charges with elaborate courtship rituals, often involving poetry (T. S. Eliot, William Wordsworth and especially Edward Lear), music (Cat Stevens, Cat Scratch Fever, What's New Pussycat?), and theatre (What else? Cats). The bills can really add up.
Sugden has an advantage over you anyway: Her mother was the inventor of the vastly popular domestic Bengal cat. Sugden bred a tabby with a particularly tigrish looking Bengal with so-so results, and then bred the offspring with a street cat from Kashmir. The resulting kittens were good enough to become the basis for the breed as it is today. (Meanwhile, the Kashmiri cat, hoping to cash in on the fame his paternity will bring, is writing his memoirs. The working title is "The Cat's Meow - The untold story of one punk cat's rise from the streets to a life of cream and canaries.")
While designer cats may sound frivolous, they are not entirely so. The domestic Bengal was invented in the hopes that fewer people would buy leopard stoles if they looked too much like the coat of a beloved family pet. Sugden claims that breeding toygers helps preserve the look and characteristics of a disappearing wild animal. And it's quite possible that many people who might otherwise be silly enough to try their hand at (in?) a real tiger would go for one of these instead. Indeed, since the toyger doesn't require an entire deer for dinner, and does not have the unfortunate ability to bite off your head, it might be a very attractive alternative for some.
As for me, if I had $4000 to spend on felines, I'd adopt one from the humane society for free and donate the cash to a wildlife federation.
No really, I couldn't do one without doing the other - it's a cat 22, you know.
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Love your column - very funny! And congratulations on your new baby!
Scott
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Buy a chilling pad for your laptop-can be purchased at office supply stores. Our laptop after we had it for 2 years would overheat and shut down. We have had no problems whatsoever after purchase of chill pad.
Sue Marquardt
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I have laughed so hard at this article I almost fell out of my chair. I really enjoy reading your stuff. It really makes my day. Thanks.
Shelly
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Poor Dear,
It sounds like you have a bad case of Bill Gates disease. My recommendation is to get a Mac and stop trying to fix that PC thingy.
P.S. Your PC word processing documents will open surprisingly easily on the Mac with an Intel processor.
Ron 'Hollywood' Parro
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This was great time for me to read your article on computers. I just spent all day Friday trying to get an upgraded copy of Norton Internet Security activated. I kept getting the message that the product key was wrong - although it really was the right one. After two phone calls to support and on the third email chat I finally got a technician who could tell me what to do. And THEN on Saturday the upgrade wouldn't install. After two email chats on that problem I was told I would have to completely uninstall and reinstall the program. Oh YEAH, SURE! At that point I gave up and just turned the computer off. Guess what - the next time I turned it on, the program installed perfectly.
Time involved - probably close to 10 hours - and a GREAT DEAL of frustration!!
Your article sure worked for me! It was so funny - and maybe my story will seem funny by next year!
Nancy Stookey
Ohio
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Ms. Chandra, just had to say that I am so glad I happened on this site...you help give my life a little boost each day..I raised four children on my own and your acct. of your second child is dead on, hahhaahhaha oh my how funny that column was...tks again, and happy hunting...
Carmen - smilin' from ear to ear without my teeth in...picture that...lol
AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS KIDDING
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